Open When You Need A Helping Hand...

...but don't have the courage to ask. I've been there. I know it all too well. The first two or three weeks after my incident were traumatizing in every way imaginable. That's pretty normal. Then for about a month after that, I was doing abnormally well. Really, astonishingly well. Out of the blue, one day I broke. Everything within me completely and utterly shattered. I crumbled. I thought I had been healing and doing so well and that I was on the right path, but the truth is I was ignoring the truth. I was ignoring what happened and the effects it had on me. I wasn't being honest with myself. I told myself I was strong enough to handle it, and just to keep pushing through and I could do it!! Oh but I was so wrong. I couldn't handle it. I still can’t- on my own. But I do a little better everyday. I am learning to lean on the Lord a little more each day. I do my best to be mindful and everyday I make an attempt to face it, see it for what it is, but not let it rule me. You’ll get here, too.

The day I broke, I realized I had just been bulldozing right through what was really going on. I wasn't working through it, I was simply shoving it out of the way without acknowledging it. It all ended up piling high around me then crashing down all at once. I beg you- don't be like me. Don't just push through it. It's okay to be broken. It's okay to not be able to handle it. It's okay to ask for help. Even if you don't have the courage to ask for help, help is there. It is and always will be. If this is the one thing you hear out of this whole letter: someone is always there, someone who cares deeply for you. Even if/when it seems like no one else is, I am here and I always will be. When you're wrestling with this crap and you find yourself in a pit of darkness and the walls are closing in, don't keep fighting it. It's okay to take a breather, look up and see an outstretched hand. Take the hand, girl. It's there.

So, instead of bulldozing it is important to acknowledge where you’re at. Grieving is a process and even though no one died, grieving is still more than necessary in this scenario.

1. Denial

“The first stage in this theory, denial helps us minimize the overwhelming pain of loss. As we process the reality of our loss, we are also trying to survive emotional pain. It can be hard to believe what we have lost.

Our reality has shifted completely in this moment of loss. It can take our minds some time to adjust to this new reality. We are reflecting on the experiences we have had, and we might find ourselves wondering how to move forward in life.

This is a lot of information to explore and a lot of painful imagery to process. Denial attempts to slow this process down and take us through it one step at a time, rather than risk the potential of feeling overwhelmed by our emotions.”

2. Anger

“It is common to experience anger after loss. We are trying to adjust to a new reality and we are likely experiencing extreme emotional discomfort. There is so much to process that anger may feel like it allows us an emotional outlet.

Keep in mind that anger does not require us to be very vulnerable. However, it tends to be more socially acceptable than admitting we are scared. Anger allows us to express emotion with less fear of judgment or rejection.

Unfortunately, anger tends to be the first thing we feel when we start to release emotions related to loss. This can leave you feeling isolated in your experience and perceived as unapproachable by others in moments when we could benefit from comfort, connection, and reassurance.”

3. Bargaining

“When coping with loss, it isn't unusual to feel so desperate that you are willing to do almost anything to alleviate or minimize the pain. Experiencing loss can cause us to consider any way we can avoid the current pain or the pain we are anticipating from loss. There are many ways we may try to bargain.

Bargaining can come in a variety of promises including:

• "God, if you can heal this person I will turn my life around."

• "I promise to be better if you will let this person live."

• "I'll never get angry again if you can stop him/her from dying or leaving me."

When bargaining starts to take place, we are often directing our requests to a higher power, or something bigger than we are that may be able to influence a different outcome. There is an acute awareness of our humanness in these moments when we realize there is nothing we can do to influence change or a better end result.

This feeling of helplessness can cause us to react in protest by bargaining, which gives us a perceived sense of control over something that feels so out of control. While bargaining we also tend to focus on our personal faults or regrets. We might look back at our interactions and note all of the times we felt at fault or may have caused issues.

It is common to recall times when we may have said things we did not mean, and wish we could go back and behave differently. We also tend to make the drastic assumption that if things had played out differently, we would not be in such an emotionally painful place in our lives.”

4. Depression

“During our experience of processing grief, there comes a time when our imaginations calm down and we slowly start to look at the reality of our present situation. Bargaining no longer feels like an option and we are faced with what is happening.

We start to feel the loss more abundantly. As our panic begins to subside, the emotional fog begins to clear and the loss feels more present and unavoidable.

In those moments, we tend to pull inward as the sadness grows. We might find ourselves retreating, being less sociable, and reaching out less to others about what we are going through. Although this is a very natural stage of grief, dealing with depression after loss can be extremely isolating.”

5. Acceptance

“When we come to a place of acceptance, it is not that we no longer feel the pain of loss. However, we are no longer resisting the reality of our situation, and we are not struggling to make it something different.

Sadness and regret can still be present in this phase, but the emotional survival tactics of denial, bargaining, and anger are less likely to be present.”

It is necessary to experience all of these things. This is part of the natural way your mind processes things. Your process can be as fast or as slow as you need it to, there is no timeline. Please remember, none of these stages of grief last forever though they may feel like it. You will feel stuck, but the reality is you are not. This is all normal. No matter where you are at, remember everyone is different and every journey unique. There is no right or wrong place for you to be. Just notice where you are, accept it, and keep on keepin’ on however best meets your needs.

https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361